The complete restaurant etiquette guide

Before you sit down

Etiquette starts before the food. A smooth arrival sets the tone for everyone — you, your guests, and the staff who are about to look after you.

• Arrive on time for reservations. A table held for 8:00 affects the kitchen's whole evening. If you'll be late, call.
• Wait to be seated where there's a host stand, rather than choosing your own table.
• Let the host seat the group; in more formal rooms, the guest of honour is often seated first, facing into the room.
• Silence your phone on arrival, not after it rings. More on phones below.

Which fork? Reading a place setting

A formal place setting looks intimidating but follows one simple logic: work from the outside in. The cutlery furthest from the plate is for the first course; with each course, move inwards. Dessert utensils usually sit above the plate.

• Bread plate is on your left; your drinks are on your right. (Picture lower-case 'b' and 'd' with your hands to remember.)
• Hold cutlery properly: in the common Continental style, fork stays in the left hand, knife in the right, tines down.
• 'Resting' position: place knife and fork in an inverted V on the plate to signal you're pausing.
• 'Finished' position: lay them together, diagonally across the plate (around the 4 o'clock position). Good staff read this and clear at the right moment.

Ordering and talking to staff

Servers are professionals doing a hard job well. Treating them as such makes everything better — including, frankly, your meal.

• Get attention by eye contact and a small raised hand or nod — never by snapping fingers, whistling, or calling out.
• Say what you'd like clearly and add 'please' and 'thank you'. If you have questions, ask before ordering, not after.
• Declare allergies up front and clearly — this is safety, not fussiness. See our dietary dining guide.
• Ask for recommendations. 'What are you known for?' or 'What's good tonight?' often leads to the best plate on the table.
• Don't over-modify. A few tweaks are fine; rebuilding a dish from scratch belongs at home.

Napkins, phones, and table manners

• Napkin goes on your lap once seated. If you leave the table mid-meal, place it loosely on your chair; at the end, to the left of your plate — never refolded as if unused, never crumpled on the plate.
• Phones off the table. Face-down on the table still signals you're half-elsewhere; pocket or bag is best. Step away to take an unavoidable call.
• Wait for everyone to be served before starting, unless a host insists you begin so your food stays hot.
• Pace yourself to the table — finishing wildly ahead or behind makes service awkward.
• Chew with your mouth closed, keep elbows reasonable, and pass items (salt and pepper together) rather than reaching across.
• Taste before seasoning. Drowning a dish in salt before tasting can quietly insult the kitchen.

Sending food back the right way

Sometimes a dish is wrong — undercooked, cold, or simply not what was described. You're entitled to raise it; the key is how.

• Flag it early and calmly. Catch your server as soon as you notice, not after eating most of it.
• Be specific and kind: 'I ordered this medium-rare but it's well done — could the kitchen take another look?' States the problem without attacking anyone.
• Distinguish a fault from a preference. A genuinely overcooked steak is a fault; 'I changed my mind' is not, though good rooms often accommodate anyway.
• Don't weaponise it. Sending food back to extract free items is bad faith and staff can tell.

Handled gracefully, a returned dish is routine — kitchens would always rather fix a problem than have you leave unhappy.

Handling the bill with grace

The end of the meal trips up more people than the cutlery. A few principles keep it smooth:

• If you invited, you pay. Whoever extends the invitation generally hosts. Settle it quietly — offering your card discreetly avoids a scene.
• Splitting? Decide the method early. Even split is simplest; itemised is fairer if orders differ wildly. Our tip calculator splits any bill in seconds, and the group dining guide covers the awkward cases.
• Tip per local custom. Tipping norms vary enormously by country — see our tipping guide. Check first whether a service charge is already included.
• Don't linger forever on a busy night once you've paid; the table is someone else's reservation.

Frequently asked questions

Mustafa Bilgic

Editor, Arsenal Rest

Reviews dining etiquette, menus and food-service practice for Arsenal Rest. Fact-checked against established culinary references and public sources. Last reviewed 2026-06-13.